guardianangel

life is getting better. got lots going on. started work last thurs. lovin it so far. been gettin my home back in order finally. cleaning & working is my exercise for now. i prob walk round 5 miles a day & work maybe less. lots of bending & lifting. i got community service & jail time over my wreck last yr. so ive been pretty busy. as 4 my ex, i hope he’s happy with his internet whore. im gonna hopefully get the divorce papers started this wk. i cant start over til its all final. 4 now, its working & takin care of my babies.

thats going to change. the kids start school tomorrow. so,that means, ill be here, by myself & can actually get some exercise in. cant wait. with everything thats been going on, ive neglected you guys & myself & im so sorry buddies. i need u all to give me, a big swift kick!!! i deserve. as for my hubby he’s leavin me alone. life goes on’ no matter what happens’ you still have to go on. i need all the support i can get to get back on track. love u all.

I love you & you will be dearly. I member, how, you use 2 make those handmade puppets 4 me. It made me laugh, so much. I loved the times we spent 2gether,it ment the world 2 me. Your it a better place now. GOD, will take good care of you.

i know in time, it will be over. so far after my last words 2 him this morn he’s left me alone

i ate 3-5 bites of a sub 2day. im doin my best 2 pull myself out of this. my mom is stayin on me 4 my large weightloss. i realized i lost more than i thought & felt my ribs. i dnt want 2 be this tiny. i need all the pushin & all u guys can give me. ive got 2 watch what i eat cause it makes me sick. im takin it day by day eatin a lil more than the day b4. think im dehydrated a lil also.

i i didnt cry. im proud of myself. ive been walkin to my parents everyday. doin lots of cleaning. which is keepin my mind off things. tomorrow im goin shoppin with my mom & babies. cant wait. we watched my great niece today. she’s a blast. i can member when mine were a yr old. pray 4 me, my son gets his learner’s permit this month. stay off the sidewalks, lol. thank u all, 4 bein here 4 us. it means so much.

doing better. who am i kidding? im falling to pieces. its pose to get easier, not harder.

all divorces are rough. but, mine, mine is so heart breaking. if u guys only knew why, u’d understand. its cause of him or me. it goes much deeper on my end. lets just say, someone told a really bad lie, the other person got spanked hard & it left marks’ so i had 2 make a decision. i didnt wanna leave, but, couldnt stay’ cause of what got said. things would never be the same & we’d be so distant & hurt more. i chose 2 leave. it’s killin us both & the kids r hurtin but, i stopped what could happen again, which i dnt think happened.

my life hasnt always been great. i had a great childhood. my dad was a coalminer, then drove trucks’ which i rode in til i started school. then, us kids lived with our g-parents while our parents were on rode. well, when my siblings moved out, my parents & i moved. i ended up gettin preg. @ 16 1/2. thgt my dad was gonna kill me. well, i wanted my son’ but not marraige. his parents forced it. he abused me really bad durin my preg. so i finally got hold of my sis to come get me. no one else believed he was tryin to kill my son & me. i got divorced. then, we moved here, where my sis set me up with a guy she knew, abused women’ but, nvr told me. he ran me off rodes, held a gun to my head & more. well we split up. i got in with the wrong crowd & the drinking started. he came by one nite & i ended up preg with my daug. (he’s the one who shot & killed himself last yr). he didnt claim my daug til she was 4. they nvr really got to know kchother cause his partying & women were more important. thats y he shot himself. well, i found a good man i thght. he was there for my son went thru my preg with me& treated both my babies like they were his. lil did i know’ he was cheatin on me with 14 yr olds the entire time. & yes, he was arrested for beatin my daug & me. we got bck 2gether a mo. later. i got preg with my last baby. we got married. it was great til he cheated while one of my babies was it hospital & the other home sick with the samething. well, i ended it. ive learned so mch thru all that. & its all made the kids & i stronger. if it werent for my parents, id nvr made it. i wouldnt trade my babies for the world. they hve kept me alive. im married now & i didnt know GOD still made great men. i got a great one this time. he has custody of his 2 oldest kids, cause their mom left them while they were babies. his ex use 2 abuse him & treat his kids bad. so, we hve lots in common. its bekn hard 4 our kids & ourselves to trust echother & get comfy. but’ it all worked out. he just got a great job. we are goin house huntin this wknd. we r tryin to make a fresh start. we wanna get away from his fam cause their crazy. if i could tell u what i mean by “crazy”, i would but, it makes me sick to think bout it. to be honest he’s gonna be makin great money & im scared. idk how to act. im use to livin chk to chk. its hard gettin use to hvn help. im use to doin it all myself. hope u all hve a good one

not smokin this time round is harder than the 1st time. i did go 48 hrs w/o smokin. ive smoked 3. which is good. im mad @ myself 4 it. but, im tryin so hard. other than that, things are going good. i hvent hurt myself yet, this wk lol. thats a plus 4 me. hope u all hve a good day